I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
