answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
this hospital has no fireball
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
