Banned from zoo.
Again?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
