I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
