Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
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