Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
