either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
