Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
