I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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