He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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