there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
