Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
