Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
