we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
