put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
