So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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