Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
