I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
