She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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