Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
