We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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