i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
