Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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