we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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