I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude i'm inner monologue high
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
