Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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