I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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