i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
