We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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