I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
