I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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