my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
