She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
