I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
