he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
