I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
