It's like a parade of train wrecks.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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