so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
