I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
