that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
