we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
