Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
