the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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