I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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