i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
