so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
