So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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