if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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