there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
