when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
