Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
