this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
